A Godfather's Instinct
by ferret assassin nin
Summary: They say that a parent's instinct is never wrong. Well, Sirius might not be a parent, but dammit he's a Godfather and that's just as good as any parent. Remus/Sirius friendship *offical*
1. Are You Okay?

**A Godfather's Instinct**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter, film or book, doesn't belong to me and, frankly, it never will. But hey, that's okay because I can do what I want to the characters for free. Yay me! ^^**

**Warning: Self-injury and mentions of death. Rated T**

**Summary: They say that sometimes a parent's instincts are never wrong. Well, Sirius might not be a parent, but dammit he's a Godfather and that's just as good as any parent. Remus/Sirius friendship**

**A/N: Guess who's back...? That's right, ferret assassin nin, oh yeah! XD**

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**Chapter 1: Are You Okay?**

Harry sits in his and Ron's room at Number Twelve Grimauld Place waiting for his trail with the Ministry of Magic. It wasn't his fault that had to use the Patronus Charm to deter two dementors from actually killing him and his cousin in Little Whinging. He had no choice; he didn't quite understand why dementors would be so far from Azkaban but he has a theory. They're not working for the ministry now but for Voldemort instead and Voldemort wants him dead.

Just a week ago he was rescued from Number Four Private Drive; from his Uncle's merciless beatings, his Aunt's constant scrutiny, his cousin's continuous bullying, and the little prison known as his room. Ironically, this small prison was his safe haven. In fact, after he got back from Hogwarts his Uncle didn't waste any time in belittling Harry and beating him. Harry remembers how happy he was when he read the Daily Prophet and learned that Sirius was declared innocent. He also remembers how miserable he was when that night his uncle beat him particularly badly.

Fortunately, his uncle never beats him to the point where Harry would need to go to a hospital. After all, the Dursleys' little servant would be taken into custody once the doctors saw the bruises. Not to mention that surely "the people like him" would find out and have it out with his uncle. Harry wouldn't have minded that, actually. Heck, a couple of times Harry purposely tried to get his uncle pissed off enough that he'd slip up and actually hurt Harry bad enough to go to the hospital. Harry snorts at this; it wouldn't matter if he needed to go to a hospital, his uncle would just lock the door and leave Harry there to die.

As if his uncle's beatings weren't bad enough, he also has nightmares about Cedric Diggory dying and, if he doesn't revisit the graveyard at night, then he would have the same confusing dream of him walking down a dark, stony corridor lit only by torches and he would always wind up in front of the same mysterious door.

Harry is broken from his dark musings by a tentative knock on his door. He sighs tiredly and forces a smile on his face as he tells the person to come in. It's Ron.

"Hey mate, dinner's ready. Mum says that if you don't feel well enough to come down then she'll bring a plate up to you," he explains tentatively. Harry bites back a sigh. It was only a few days ago that he snapped at Ron and Hermione for not telling him anything. Ever since then Ron and Hermione have been walking on egg shells around him.

"Okay, thanks Ron," he returns. "I'll be down in a minute, alright?" Ron nods at this.

"Okay, sure Harry," he says as he retreats back out and starts to walk down the stairs. Harry sighs tiredly. He really wished that everyone would stop treating him like he was a walking time bomb. Then again, how can he really be so unfair to them when he always snapped at them?

As Harry walks down the stairs and into the basement kitchen Sirius greets him and Harry puts on his happy face, literally. He is the master of hiding emotions. When Sirius holds him at arm's length Harry can't help but actually smile. He loves Sirius and he hates to pretend that everything's alright when it really isn't.

**XXXXXXXX**

After Molly Weasley gets done with making dinner she sends her youngest son up to retrieve Harry. Sirius didn't like how Harry ate very little, was extremely pale, and always had a haunted look in his eyes. Even as he pulls Harry into a bone crushing hug he can't help but feel deeply concerned for him. Not only because he is so thin, but also because Harry immediately tenses up, however slightly. He knows something is going on with Harry; he can see it in his lifeless eyes. He knows that Harry only pretends to be happy because his smile doesn't reach his eyes and it scares Sirius. It honestly scares him to see Harry so…well, so lethargic.

Once everyone goes back upstairs and Mrs. Weasley cleans up Sirius asks if he can speak to Harry alone for a moment. Molly eyes him suspiciously but leaves nonetheless. After all, Sirius had wanted to tell Harry everything about the Order the other day. Remus gets up and puts a Silencing Charm on the door, so the twins can't eavesdrop with their Extendable Ears, and sits back down. Grudgingly, Harry moves to sit in front of Remus.

"Harry," the teen doesn't look Sirius in the eyes. He can't; he feels too ashamed. Sirius sighs tiredly. "Harry, Remus and I can't help but notice how odd you've been acting recently." In the brief second Harry looks up, Sirius can see so much fear and so much pain in those emerald green eyes that he nearly breaks out into tears. Those kind of knowledgeable eyes don't belong on a fifteen year old teen. Sirius nearly breaks out in tears. When the teen doesn't speak, Remus speaks up.

"Harry, you do understand that you can tell us anything and we won't think differently of you, don't you?" Harry nods but doesn't make eye contact.

"Erm…" Harry trails off and goes back to fiddling with the cuff of his thin jacket. It is sticking to one of his fresher wounds and it is making him itchy.

"Yes, Harry?" Sirius tries gently. Harry opens and closes his mouth several times before he just shakes his head. He still refuses to meet their caring eyes.

"Harry, what's wrong?" The teen stubbornly stays silent. Then, just as Sirius and Remus are about to give up hope, he barely whispers, "Sirius? I'm sorry…I just can't…I just can't."

"What, what is it Harry?" His godfather's gentle voice is filled with hurt and worry. Harry swallows painfully.

"Erm…I'm really tired. Can I…erm, can I just go to bed?" Remus and Sirius are both heartbroken at this because they thought that Harry was about to tell them what's wrong.

"Sure Harry," Sirius says in a strained voice. When the teen all but runs from the room, Sirius drops his head into his hands and groans miserably. Remus just rubs his back soothingly.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Moony. How can I help Harry when he doesn't even trust me?"

"I think that Harry will have to come to you on his own, Sirius," Remus says gently.

"Maybe I'm not cut out to be a godfather. Maybe James was wrong."

"Sirius," Remus starts reproachfully, "Don't say that. James trusts you with Harry. You were meant to be his godfather. I'm sure that whatever is troubling Harry he will tell you. He loves you, Sirius. He trusts you with his life, he's just scared. Give it time." Sirius just sighs tiredly and leans into Remus' brotherly embrace.

**XXXXXXX**

A couple hours later Harry wakes up from a particularly bad nightmare. This time it didn't deal with that corridor or with Cedric dying; instead, it was his uncle yelling at him and telling him that no one loves him, that no one cares about him, and that he doesn't amount to anything. Harry nearly chokes on his tears and as he quickly gets up he spares a glance to Ron who is snoring loudly. It wouldn't do well for Ron to see what he's about to do.

He digs through his trunk and finds the knife Sirius gave him. He stops and thinks about it briefly but then puts it back in his trunk because he knows that he will feel guilty after using it for what he was about to do. Instead, he pulls out one of the sharp kitchen knives that he managed to knick from the kitchen when he was cooking one evening at his aunt's and uncle's.

Carefully, he slides the sharp blade across the inside of his left arm. Not his wrists and not the top of his arms like most people would do. Those are too hard of places to hide the cuts, especially during the summer. Also, most people assume that self-injurers like him self-harm on their forearms so that is the first place suspicious loved ones check. Plus, it hurts more on that part of arm and Harry isn't hurting that much right now.

Soon, however, he will have to resort to cutting the inside of his biceps and maybe even cutting the insides of his thighs; or, if things really get out of hand, between his fingers. Harry shivers at the thought; if anywhere on the human body was the most sensitive to pain it is the skin between your fingers. He would never resort to cutting between his toes because he got a particularly bad shard of glass in between his big toe and his first toe and it hurt beyond belief.

After he makes a few small cuts he wipes the knife with disinfectant and puts it back in his trunk. After all, it wouldn't do him any good to get an infection. On that note, he decides to go to the bathroom and wash the freshly made cuts; again, he can't risk getting an infection. Ron choses then to stir.

"Harry…?" He sleepily mumbles. "What're you doin' up?"

"Oh, erm, I needed to use the bathroom. It's nothing. Go back to sleep, Ron," Harry calmly says. Apparently, Ron didn't need encouragement because within the next minute he was snoring again.

As Harry makes his way to the bathroom he carefully steps over the floorboards that he knows creak. No one needs to know that he is awake at this hour. Speaking of which, what time is it anyway? When he reaches the bathroom Harry closes the door and makes sure to lock it so no one can accidently walk in. While he's cleaning the cuts he takes the time to look at his older cuts.

Harry can remember every cut he made and the reason behind it. He always had a reason. This recent cut is from his extreme fear of losing someone again. He doesn't like these negative feelings. So, when he makes that controlled slice, the negative feelings bleed out with cut.

When Harry turns off the lights in the bathroom and makes his way back to his room he can't help the foreboding feeling that someone is going to find out about his cutting eventually. He just hopes it's not Sirius, Ron, Hermione, or Remus. Until that day, however, he will enjoy the comfort cutting brings him and have a few hours of peaceful sleep for once.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Harry wakes up later than he thought; noon. He realizes that the house is entirely silent for once. No one is cleaning, cooking, or moving. It's as if the noble house of Black is completely empty. Not even Kreacher is whining or moaning. Harry gets out of bed and carefully walks down the stairs pass the sitting room. However, Sirius's voice suddenly calls out as he's passing.

"Harry?" He asks curiously and Harry turns around to see utter joy in Sirius's eyes. "Do you mind if you sit down with Remus and me?" Not wanting to hurt his godfather's feelings or to appear as though he's avoiding them he silently agrees. He has a feeling what they're going to talk about. Absentmindedly, he fiddles with the cuff of his jacket. Harry never realized that he slept in his clothes from yesterday. He makes a face.

"Harry," Remus starts happily as Sirius resumes his seat beside Remus and Harry sits down in front of his godfather. "It's come to our attention that you've been having nightmares." His tone is still pleasant which confuses Harry. First, how do they know about his nightmares if he never told Ron or Hermione? Second, why aren't Sirius and Remus angry with him? Surly if he had a nightmare and woken them up they would be angry with him. After all Uncle Vernon never liked being woken up in the middle of the night. So why should anyone else be any different?

"Why didn't you tell us you were having nightmares? Don't you trust us?" Sirius's voice is strained and full of hurt. Of course Harry trusts them! He just didn't want to bother them with something that he can handle on his own.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Harry finally says through the sudden painful lump in his throat. Sirius pulls Harry into a bone crushing bear hug.

"Oh Harry, you have nothing to be sorry for," he say soothingly while he runs a hand through Harry's untamable hair. Harry doesn't agree but he decides he's not in the mood to argue. After a minute or two Sirius finally releases Harry but Harry refuses to leave his godfather's warm embrace. Sirius doesn't seem to have an issue with this.

"So Harry," Remus starts happily, "Sirius and me think that a Dreamless Sleep potion might be in order." Both men chuckle at the disgusted look on Harry's face.

"Do I really have to? That stuff tastes awful," Harry complains which makes both men smile. He's such a child; then again, Harry is a child.

"Yes," they reply firmly at the same time. Harry sighs in defeat knowing that tone of voice; there's no discussion.

"Fine. Is there anything else?" Harry asks, finally pulling from Sirius's embrace. Sirius pouts playfully.

"Well," Sirius starts slowly, "if you do have a nightmare even with the Dreamless Sleep we think a Calming Draught shall be necessary." The two Marauders smile at Harry's grimace. Harry didn't expect any less from his two future guardians. After all, Harry knew that Sirius was going to file for custody of him once he was cleared. Sirius just needs to get the paperwork done.

"Okay," Harry says not really wanting to argue right now. He's just glad that they don't know about the cutting. He has it under control. There's no need for them to worry even more about him or think that he's too weak to handle his own problems. This whole time Harry hasn't noticed that he is still fiddling with his cuff. Once he realizes this, however, he stops. This small action doesn't go unnoticed by either man but they think nothing of it. When Harry can no longer stand the growing silence he finally asks, "So, where is everybody?"

"Well," Remus starts, "Mrs. Weasley is out getting books and school supplies. Ron, the twins, and Ginny are all playing Quidditch out back, and Hermione is off reading in the library." Harry nods at this information.

"So then, why aren't you two out doing something as well?" Sirius and Remus smile at each other for a second before they turn their attention back on Harry.

"Sirius isn't allowed to go out until after his trial and I decided to stay here and keep him company," Remus answers. Harry can't help the smirk that comes to his face. He can clearly see that Remus and Sirius are more than 'best mates'. Whether the two of them realize this or not Harry doesn't know. However, he does know that they're a thing or they are beginning to become a thing.

"I think I'll join them outside," Harry states happily and then frowns slightly when Sirius places a plate loaded with sandwiches in front of him. Surely they don't expect him to eat all of them.

"Not until you eat at least two sandwiches. You're much too thin, Harry." Sirius starts firmly but he and Remus have smiles on their faces. Harry decides to eat the sandwiches even though just looking at them makes him sick to his stomach.

After a grueling fifteen minutes Harry finishes the two sandwiches and notices how much lighter he feels. 'Odd, normally I feel extremely heavy and tired,' Harry thinks briefly. Harry gets up from the table and goes to wash his dish but Sirius quickly intercepts him.

"No need for that Harry. Here," Sirius banishes the plate and Harry raises his eyebrows.

"Won't Mrs. Weasley be upset that a piece of her china is missing?" It's true that once the Order's headquarters was established in the noble house of Black, and Mrs. Weasley started to cook meals in the kitchen, she no longer viewed it as someone else's kitchen. It was her kitchen and her items. Sirius had no problem with this considering how much he hated his pure-blood crazy parents and cousins. Sirius has his classic Marauders mischievous glint in his eyes and a smile on his face.

"What Molly doesn't know won't hurt her." Harry thanks them both and gives them a hug before he dashes out of the kitchen and to his and Ron's bedroom to grab his Firebolt. Then, he runs down the steps and out the back door where Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny are all playing and mounts his broom. Meanwhile, Sirius and Remus smile in content at Harry's happiness. Everyone has been missing the old Harry.

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**Oh, what the two don't know…:D**

**So, this will officially be my third Harry Potter fic on the site. However, this will be my first Harry Potter fic that doesn't involve a single Original Character. So, please feel free to comment on what you like and what you don't like and leave me CONSTRUCTIVE criticism if there is something I need to correct. Seriously folks, reviews are really helpful to writers even if they are just a few words. Flames are discouraging and will not help me update faster. Heck, if I receive flames then I will probably scrap the story and fall into depression. Writing is my passion and I write not only to entertain you, but also to entertain myself (and to give myself a good excuse to not do my college work for my online classes :D). Also, tell me if you think this is interesting enough to continue!**

**As a side note, tell me if you would rather me have Sirius and Remus as a couple or as best mates, if you drop a review. You intake is valuable to me, after all. ^_^ Alright, that's enough of my rambling. **

**Until next time folks,**

**ferret assassin nin (aka ferret nin)**

**PS: Tell me if there's anything I need to correct or if there's something I can improve on! ;)**


	2. Are you sure?

**A Godfather's Instinct**

**Disclaimer: The verdict is out folks! I'm guilty of not owning Harry Potter or anything having to do with the plot, characters, merchandise, etc. So, I make no money off of this!**

**Warnings: Self-injury, possible language, some minor violence, possible mention of child abuse.**

**Summary: They say that a parent's instinct is never wrong. Well, Sirius might not be a parent, but dammit he's a Godfather and that's just as good as any parent. Remus/Sirius friendship.**

**Thank you to the wonderful EchoNiffler367 for beta-reading this for me! I great appreciate it! By the way, if you're looking for some pretty funny Harry Potter stories visit her profile. You will not be disappointed! ^^**

**Chapter 2: Are You Sure?**

That night Harry finds himself waking up once again from the same confusing nightmare. Sweat drenches his night clothes and Harry tries to untangle himself from the knotted mess that is his covers. When he finally manages to untangle himself he desperately searches the darkness of the room for any sign of a Dark wizard or his Uncle. Then, he remembers where he is and he shakes his head. As he roughly rubs his face with one of his hands he notices that it's shaking. He sighs tiredly.

"Harry?" Harry startles at the deep voice of Ron.

"Ron?" He returns just as plainly and tiredly.

"Did you have another nightmare?" Suddenly, Harry realizes that the voice is too aware and too deep to be Ron's. Something is gently pushed onto his face and suddenly the silhouette of his Godfather is in front of him. Harry frowns.  
"No. Just can't sleep." He says this too fast and Sirius frowns.

"The truth, please, Harry?" Sirius doesn't understand why Harry wants to lie to him, especially when he scratches the back of his left ear with his finger when he lies; just like James always used to do. Harry drops eye contact with him. After what seems like an eternity, Harry finally sighs and answers.

"It was a nightmare." Sirius sighs tiredly and drops down to eye level with Harry.  
"Do you want to talk about it, pup?"

"Not really." Sirius nods at this and a tight silence encases the two. Finally, Sirius breaks it.

"Harry," said teen looks up. "Do these nightmares occur often?" Harry's continued silence confirms Sirius' beliefs but Sirius wants to hear it from Harry himself.  
"Only when I'm really stressed out."

"What are you stressed about?"

"Well, I have that trial coming up and Cedric…" Harry trails off and drops eye contact with Sirius again. Sirius places two fingers under Harry's chin and gently lifts his head to look into his Godson's eyes.

"What about Cedric?" Harry squirms under Sirius' intense gaze.

"He's in my nightmares sometimes…" he mumbles. Had Sirius not had hearing like a dog, he would have missed what Harry said.

"Oh Harry, come here," he says and he pulls his godson into a comforting hug. The two stay like that for at least two hours as Sirius tells him stories about his parents and him and Remus at Hogwarts. Finally, Harry starts to drift off and Sirius tucks him in and goes to leave, but Harry grabs the sleeve of his night shirt.  
"Padfoot, please don't go…" Harry hates the fact that he sounds so much like a young child, but he can't help it. He is honestly scared. Sirius summons a cushy armchair and sits beside Harry's bed. Harry goes to sleep, feeling safe for the first time that summer.

In the midst of Harry's sleep, his pajama sleeve slips a little. A thin, pink line catches Sirius' attention. Gently, so as to not wake Harry who desperately needs the sleep, he grabs his wrist and turns his hand palm up. He pushes the sleeve up a little and sees the faintest of white lines. He frowns. As he slowly pushes the pajama sleeve up further, his eyes widen in surprise. Three fresh red lines appear in his sight. He pulls the sleeve down carefully, replaces Harry's arm, holds Harry's hand, and kisses his godson's forehead.

"Don't worry, pup, I'm not going anywhere." Sirius couldn't sleep for the rest of the night.

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

The next morning, Harry wakes up at 7:30 well rested. Since most of the Weasley family is still fast asleep, Harry decides to go ahead and get dressed before exploring the house a little more. In the short two weeks that he has been here he has only been in the main hallway, his and Ron's room, the kitchen, the drawing room, and the study; two of which Ron, Hermione, and he had to clean out. As he shimmies into his baggy jeans he notices the random armchair beside his bed and his sleeping godfather. He frowns, trying to remember how Sirius got there in the first place. Oh, he had a nightmare and Sirius comforted him and Harry asked Sirius to stay with him for the night. That's why Harry actually woke up fully rested for once. Harry throws on a faded blue tee shirt and his favorite jacket before he walks out the door.

In his bare feet, Harry carefully tiptoes around his godfather and walks out of the room to head for the bathroom. Harry attempts to do the impossible; he attempts to make his hair lay flat. He growls in frustration as every time he manages to get one side controlled, the other side spikes out again. Someone chuckles from beside him. Harry whips his head around and smiles at the sight of his godfather.

"I hate to tell you Harry, but James passed his cursed hair to you. There's nothing you can do about it."

"Yeah, well I can try," Harry grumbles playfully. For some reason he's in a really good mood. Maybe it's because of the full night sleep he got last night or maybe it's because he knows he is in a place where people care about and love him. If possible, Sirius just smiles broader. Then, his look turns sober.

"Harry?" Harry turns around and frowns. Sirius is hesitating; normally he just jumps into things first and hesitates later.

"Yeah?" Sirius nods to himself as if finally coming to a decision.

"Remember when Remus and I first asked you what was wrong? Before we found out about the nightmares?" Harry stiffly nods. "What were you going to say?" Harry's frown deepens. Should he attempt to lie to his godfather who somehow always manages to catch him in a lie or should he tell him the honest truth and expect the worst? Harry doesn't want Sirius ending up in Azkaban again.

"Er…I was going to tell you…uhm," Harry gulps and tries to pull his rapidly spiraling out of control emotions back. "I dunno how to say this in a way that you won't b-be upset…" He trails off as any courage he had drains away from him.

"Oh Harry," Sirius starts compassionately, "I would never be upset with you." Harry swallows a second time and shifts uncomfortably.

"That's the problem though. You would never be upset with me but you would be upset if you learned that s-someone was h-hurting me."

"Of course I would! You're my only Godson Harry, I love you." Sirius painfully says. He can see that Harry really wants to tell him something but something keeps him from talking.

"I…I don't want you sent back to Azkaban." At Harry's pointed statement Sirius frowns and his brows furrow in confusion. What is Harry not telling him that would possibly send him back to Azkaban?

"Harry," Sirius starts unsure of himself and where he's going with this trail of thought. "I can assure you that nothing you are about to say will send me to Azkaban." Harry looks dubious but he starts to talk nonetheless.

"W-well, the Dursleys…well, y'know, they're never very friendly towards me…" Harry says slowly and Sirius does his best not to jump to conclusions. "And you also know how they normally treat me…" Sirius nods slowly at this, trying to figure out where Harry's going with this. "Well, I—I may have left a few d-details out…" Sirius frowns even more at this. Okay, what is Harry trying to say here? This seems eerily similar to when he was first telling James and Remus and Peter about the abuse he suffered by the hands of his parents...Sirius' eyes widen slightly; no, not Harry. Harry is not being abused by the Dursleys.

"Normally," the teen continues, "my uncle beats me over the smallest mistakes—not folding their clothes properly, not mowing the grass properly…small things like that." Sirius watches as Harry takes in a deep breath and seems to be gathering up his courage. "Well, not only do they starve me constantly, take pleasure in beating me, but they also…" Harry sighs tiredly.

"They also like to belittle me, talk horribly about my parents, and beat me for talking 'out of turn'…my uncle almost put me in the hospital one time he beat me so badly. He showed up drunk to his job and got fired and he blamed it on me saying that it was my fault he drank because he couldn't deal with stress of living with a—a freak like me. In fact, a couple times I thought I was going to die…that my uncle was going to kill me…"Harry takes in a deep breath and plows on, "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that not only do they treat me worse than road kill, but they don't care about me or my well-being. The only reason why they were half decent the last few summers is because uncle Vernon learned about me being a wizard and you threatened them that one summer." Harry takes in a few deep breaths and stares worriedly at Sirius. Sirius is still trying to process what all Harry just told him.

This is James and Lilly's son! How could they treat the boy so horribly? At least his parents fed him regular meals. Sirius feels his temper flare at the Dursleys for treating his godson in such a horrible way. If he could get his hands on them…the ministry wouldn't even have to know…Sirius shakes his head to clear it. No. Harry needs him here. This is not a proper time for his anger. That can wait. What can't wait is Harry. Plus, this is the reason why Harry was so hesitant to tell him about the abuse—he was afraid of Sirius acting rashly and getting thrown back into Azkaban. Well, he will prove to Harry that he is capable of thinking.

"Oh Harry, c'mon here," he says miserably and pulls his Godson into yet another tight embrace. After a few minutes, they both break the hug.

**XXXXXXX**

Down at breakfast, Harry struggles with eating the two slices of toast, an egg, and three slices of bacon on his plate. Harry normally doesn't have much of an appetite, but with his impending trial at the ministry, and the fact that he has a sense of foreboding about today, he is surprised that he can even eat half of his plate. Of course, that is probably just because he doesn't want to let on that something is bothering him.

_They know_, a high, cold voice whispers in his ear. Harry shivers.

_Know about what?_ Harry finds himself asking this strangely familiar voice.

_Your secrets—all of them…_ Panic races through Harry. Which secrets? Surely whoever 'they' are don't know all of his secrets? Someone found out. He knows.  
Who? Harry desperately asks. For some reason he has a feeling that he shouldn't be talking to this voice. Harry only gets manic laughter at his desperate question. Then, Harry suddenly realizes that everyone is looking at him strangely; especially Sirius and Remus.

"Harry, are you okay?" Sirius asks in concern. Hermione had asked Harry a question five times already but he never answered. In fact, he looked slightly panicked and confused.

"Yeah, never better. I'm sorry, who asked me a question?" Hermione speaks up before Sirius gets the chance to.

"Harry, I asked if you wanted to go to Diagon Alley with Ron and me today," she says tentatively. Harry forces a shaky smile on his face.

"Of course, when were you leaving?"

"Right after breakfast," Ron pipes up. Harry releases a sigh and smiles once again.

"Fantastic." He fails to notice the worried glances Remus and Sirius keep giving each other. Harry looks far from 'okay'. From there, breakfast returns to normal and Harry actively engages in conversation with Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Sirius, Remus, and the twins. At this point he's trying to prove that he is indeed fine. He just zoned out for a moment.

_Are you going to keep lying to yourself like that?_ The voice snidely asks him. Harry fights to ignore it. _You can't ignore me! I'm in your head, boy!_ Harry attempts to hide his shiver but Remus and Sirius, who have been watching him closely, catch it.

"There's a book I want to get and we loved hanging out at that ice cream cafe, " Harry nods at Hermione and smiles once again; well aware of the scrutinizing stares of Sirius and Remus. Breakfast ends and as Mrs. Weasley cleans up the dishes Sirius asks if he can talk to Remus alone. The two get up and leave just as Harry, Ron, and Hermione decide to floo to Diagon Alley.

**XXXXXXXXX**

In the recently cleaned out study Remus shuts the door and casts a silencing charm on it. He turns to Sirius and sees the anguished look on his old friend's face.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" Sirius runs a hand through his hair.

"Remus, there is something Harry informed me of today." When Sirius doesn't continue, Remus moves his hand in a 'please continue' gesture. "Right, well, he's being abused by the Dursleys." Remus nearly chokes on his next breath. The wolf in him growls in anger.

"How do you mean?"

"They physically abuse him, Moony." Remus grits his teeth together to keep the growl in his throat from coming out. "Also, I think Harry…" Sirius swallows painfully. "IthinkHarry'sself-harming." Remus shakes his head.

"Padfoot, what…?"

"I said, I think Harry is self-harming." Sirius watches as Remus' face goes from calm and confused to disbelieving and angry. Remus' eyes flash amber for a moment and Sirius subconsciously flinches at this. Then, Remus' eyes are back to their normal deep blue.  
"What makes you say that?" Sirius sighs tiredly.

"Last night Harry had another nightmare. After comforting him, I started to leave but Harry wanted me to stay with him. So, I did. As he was sleeping I noticed a faint red line on his hand. Naturally I pulled it up closer and examined it. My curiosity—or worry—got the best of me and I rotated his arm so that I could confirm if he was indeed self-harming. I didn't see any marks on his forearm. I pushed his sleeve up further and right above his elbow I saw three vivid red marks. I felt horrible; I felt like I somehow invaded his privacy. So, I gently pulled his sleeve back down and I didn't sleep for the rest of the night." Remus takes in a sharp breath.

"Okay. So, where do we go from here?" Remus asks calmly.

"I—I don't know. We need James, Moony," Sirius says miserably and sinks into an arm chair with his head in his hands. Remus follows him and runs a shaky hand through his sandy colored hair. Several minutes of complete silence go by before either of them think to break the unsettling silence.

"Sirius, I think we should confront Harry." Sirius snaps his head up at this. Remus has a set frown on his face but his eyes are determined.

"W-what if he hates us, Moony?"

"He probably will be quite angry. However, he would never hate us. We owe it to James and Lily to help Harry and to protect him." Sirius nods his head at this.

"Okay. But, we will have to confront him after the trial. I don't think he can handle any more stress. I mean, he hardly ate anything at breakfast." Remus sighs tiredly.

"I couldn't agree with you more, Sirius. So, we will talk to him tomorrow after his trial." At this statement both men leave the study and go back into the kitchen. They take the resounding quiet of the room to think of what they plan to say to Harry.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Meanwhile, in Diagon Alley, Harry, Hermione, and Ron are having a blast. So far they have visited Zonko's, ate delicious ice cream, visited the post office, checked out the owl emporium, visited the Leaky Cauldron, and bought a couple books from the book store. All in all, they are having a great day. Hermione finally says that they should probably be heading back to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place since Harry's trial is tomorrow. Harry's mood is instantly shot. He doesn't let Ron and Hermione know, however.

They use the floo network in the post office to return home. Upon stumbling out of the fireplace Mrs. Weasley instantly smothers them in a hug.

"We thought something terrible happened to you three! We expected you to be back by four thirty, not five. Oh well, let's sit down to eat." She ushers the three teens down the stairs and into the kitchen. Harry doesn't feel especially hungry right now and, truth be told, he probably won't be hungry again until after his trial. What if he is accused of being guilty and they snap his wand? Then he will have to go back to the Dursleys' while his best friends continued their education. The Dursleys won't be happy about his sudden appearance, and what will his uncle do when he learns that Harry has been expelled from Hogwarts? Oh, he will have a heyday. He will get to beat Harry all the time, all year. They will certainly send him to St. Brutus' School for the Incurable Cases or whatever for sure. Joy.

Ron and Hermione seem to notice Harry's depressed expression because they exchange guilty glances. They shouldn't have mentioned the trial. Sirius and Remus seem to notice the two's guilty looks and Harry's miserable one. That night, Harry eats only a few bites of mashed potatoes, a roll, a little bit of his peas, and then just two small bites of the roasted turkey slices on his plate. The rest of his food he just pokes around at and makes it look like he's eating it. His act doesn't fool his two watchful guardians.

Harry stays unusually quiet for the duration of dinner unless someone speaks to him first. He knows he's worrying everyone, especially his godfather and Remus, but he doesn't care right now. Finally, when he gets tired of all the worried glances being sent his way, he asks to be excused from the table and walks upstairs to his and Ron's bedroom. Harry briefly considers asking Remus or Sirius for a Dreamless Sleep potion so that he can actually sleep tonight, but he scratches the thought from his head. He probably won't even be able to stomach the potion because he's so wracked with nerves.

After a few minutes Harry gets waken up by Ron who wears a sheepish and slightly worried look on his freckled face. Harry didn't even realize he actually fell asleep.

"Sirius and Professor Lupin want to talk to you."

"Tell them I'm too tired and I don't feel well." Ron seems uncomfortable.

"Harry…they're really worried about you…" Harry sighs in exasperation.

"I don't care, Ron." Ron looks lost for words and Harry tries to fight back his guilt and his nerves. Maybe talking to them will make him feel a little better. After all, when Harry confided in Sirius last night about the nightmare he was actually able to sleep peacefully. Harry sighs tiredly. "Tell them I'll be down in a minute, then." Ron looks at Harry with a slightly relieved expression on his face.

"Okay," then Ron leaves the room. Harry quickly pulls out his blade and makes a small cut on the bottom of his left thumb. He quickly hides the blade and pulls his jacket sleeve back over his hand. The cut is so small that it will scab over on its own and it won't drip down Harry's palm.

Harry cautiously walks into the downstairs study where Remus and Sirius seem to both be having some kind of telepathic conversation. Sirius looks especially worried. _They know. This is it. They're going to confront you about the cutting. Run, run as fast as you can._ The voice in his head cackles madly. Harry doesn't say anything in return. Instead, he wears a look of agitation. Sirius and Remus must have noticed the look of agitation on his face because they instantly become weary. All three are silent. Sirius casts a silencing charm on the door to the study. Harry resists the urge to roll his eyes. Like that matters. Fred and George probably know the counter charm to it, anyway.

"Harry," Sirius starts slowly. Harry braces himself for whatever Sirius is about to say. "How are you feeling?" Harry nearly laughs at this question. How do they think he feels; he's about to have a trial tomorrow morning that will determine if his wand will be snapped in half or not.

"Peachy," he finally offers them, just barely managing to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. Remus and Sirius frown at this.

"You hardly ate anything at dinner…" Remus says. Harry resists the urge to say, 'You've won the prize of Captain Obvious!' Instead, Harry chooses to stay silent. After all, if you having nothing nice to say you shouldn't say anything at all, right? Harry mentally snorts at this; that doesn't stop the Dursleys. Then again, Harry's nothing like the Dursleys. Harry sighs tiredly.

"I'm really nervous about the trial. If I ate anything more I probably would have gotten sick. What if I get expelled? I'll have to go back to the Dursleys. They won't be happy to see me so soon." Harry says quickly and miserably. His two guardians frown at this. Of course, Harry would be nervous.

"Don't worry Harry. You did nothing wrong." Remus tells him firmly. Harry chuckles dryly at this and Sirius and Remus decide they don't like this Harry.  
"It doesn't matter to them, does it? They want to expel me. Haven't you read the Prophet? What better way to discredit me than expel me from Hogwarts and snap my wand in half?"

"Harry James Potter," Sirius says firmly but gently, "don't you ever say that again. The ministry may want to try to discredit you in any possible way, but if you think like that, if you think that you deserve it, then you probably will lose the case. You don't know what will happen until it does." Harry stays silent for a while.

"Let's just say I get expelled, what will happen to me then? Will I be sent back to the Dursleys?" He finally asks.

"No." Sirius and Remus say firmly. "Harry," Remus starts, "Sirius is working on the paperwork to get custody of you. When he finally finishes it, he will have full custody of you. You will not be going back to the Dursleys." Harry's heart swells with hope but that hope quickly vanishes.

"What about Dumbledore? What about the protective charm my mum placed on the house? He will want me to go back. If I win the trial or if I lose the trial, he will want me to go back. Even if he doesn't, the charm will break because I will no longer call it 'home'. Won't the Dursleys be in danger of Voldemort? I know they're awful, I hate them, but I would never want them dead by my hands. I don't hate them that much," Harry finally says. Remus and Sirius look at each other. That's Harry for you; always putting others before himself. He's willing to suffer just to keep the people he hates, the people that go out of their way to harm him, to abuse him, from dying. Harry's too kind and forgiving for his own good.

"You will not be going back. Dumbledore or not. Dumbledore can offer the Dursleys protection. They won't be dead by your hands. They would be dead by Voldemort's hands. If the Dursleys don't want the protection, then that is their decision. Once I have custody of you, Harry, Dumbledore can't say a damn thing. It will be my decision and mine alone." Sirius firmly says. He leaves no room for argument in his tone of voice. Harry just sighs in defeat. He's really not willing to argue differently right now. Sirius and Remus seem satisfied at the teen's silent agreement.

* * *

**AN: Hey! So here's the second chapter, finally. It took me a while to get this one up because I kept having editing issues. That, and college work from my online classes kept me from doing much editing and writing. Hopefully, my course load won't be so much but you never know with college. So, I hope this chapter is as good as the last. I couldn't decide if I wanted to end it where they leave for Diagon Alley or end it after Remus' and Sirus' talk with Harry. Finally, I decided it would be a slightly awkward ending to a chapter if I left it off with the Golden Trio going to Diagon Alley only to briefly describe their trip in the next chapter and continue on with the story thus I ended it here instead.**

**I know canon wise Harry, Ron, and Hermione wouldn't go out to Diagon Alley by themselves like that but I'm not strictly following cannon. Besides I always liked that scene where it was just the three of them hanging out in Diagon Alley in the third book.**

**Okay, now that that's out of the way, pretty good, right? Should I go into detail about Harry's trial or just do a brief overview of it like I did with the trio's trip to Diagon Alley? Tell me what you think! Oh, and I have officially decided to make Remus and Sirius just best mates in this story however I do plan to have them live with each other. I don't like the idea of Sirius being left alone in that wretched house of his childhood so why not have Remus reside with him? As is the case with most Sirius/Harry stories like this, it will be slightly AU.**

**Alright, thanks to those that have reviewed and thanks to those that offered me ideas and helped me to make a decision. I hope everyone who reads this will enjoy themselves and I certainly hope I can avoid from being too similar to other Sirius adopts Harry fan fictions out there. Okay, thanks again guys! It really means a lot to me even if you just favorite the story. I especially love it when a few of you guys put me as an author on your alert/favorite list. I've always viewed it to be an honor to be a favorite or alerted author. XD**

**Very sorry for the abnormally long author's note,**

**ferret nin**

**PS: Virtual cookies and hugs and such to those that alert, favorite, review, etc. Oh, and tell me if I'm keeping the characters in character.**


	3. We Need To Talk

**A Godfather's Instinct**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter has never belonged to me and it never will. It belongs to the genius J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., and all respectful owners. I write this for fun, not for money. Although, that would be nice, y'know.**

**Warning: Self-harm, angst, mention of child abuse, possible OCCness**

**Summary: They say a parent's instinct is never wrong. Well, Sirius may not be a parent but damn it he's a Godfather and that's just as good as any parent.**

**AN: I noticed in the last chapter that I mentioned Zonko's Joke Shop and the Post Office as being in Diagon Alley. At the time, I did not realize Zonko's and the Post Office is in Hogsmead, not in Diagon Alley. Also, after consulting my OotP book, I realized that I have been saying 'Harry's trial' only to realize that it is not a trial, but a 'disciplinary hearing'. So, if I make some more mistakes like that, please let me know. Thanks, and enjoy the newest chapter!**

**Chapter 3: We Need to Talk**

When the light of early dawn shines on his face, Harry groans miserably. He doesn't want to get up today, the day of his disciplinary hearing. He literally feels sick to his stomach with nerves. What if he loses the case and he ends up being expelled from Hogwarts with his wand broken in half? What if Sirius can't get custody of him because the ministry learns that he is residing with a werewolf? What if he gets sent back to the Dursleys? Would he make it back out alive? The 'what ifs' are driving him insane.

Giving up on trying to go back to sleep, Harry gets up and grabs a shower. The warm spray does nothing to ease his anxiety. He dresses in a nice black and white suit with a red tie and, not really wanting to wear his Uncle's old socks, he puts on his Hogwarts uniform socks and then his black dress shoes.

Going back to the bathroom, Harry desperately tries to flatten his hair but to no avail. Frustrated, he brushes his teeth and walks out of the bathroom making sure to be very quiet so he doesn't accidently wake anyone up. As he makes his way down the two flights of stairs he has the grave misfortune of passing Kreacher who gives him a nasty loathing look that could rival Malfoy's. Harry is beginning to understand why Sirius says Kreacher is a very unpleasant person to be around.

When he walks into the kitchen he's shocked to not only see Sirius and Remus up and drinking coffee, but also Mr. Weasley. Mrs. Weasley must still be in bed. Quietly, Harry sits down beside Sirius who seems to be in his own little world. Remus is simply reading the Muggle newspaper and sipping away at some strong smelling coffee. Mr. Weasley looks up and says, "Oh, Harry, good morning!" This catches the attention of Remus and Sirius.

"Good morning, Mr. Weasley; Remus, Sirius," Harry says in what he hopes is a light-hearted and off-hand voice.

"Good morning, Harry," Remus and Sirius say pleasantly at the same time. A few moments of silence pass until Remus says, "would you like something to eat or drink?" Harry's stomach lurches at the idea of food, bringing his nausea back in full sway.

"Er, no thanks. I'm not very hungry. So, what are you guys doing up?" Harry quickly says in an attempt to change the subject. He catches the 'discreet' worried glances Sirius and Remus share with each other at Harry saying he's not hungry.

"Well, I have to go to work soon so I figured I could take you with me so we're on time for your disciplinary hearing," Mr. Weasley says pleasantly. Harry pales at the mention of his hearing. This doesn't go unnoticed by the three men. "Alright there, Harry? You look a tad pale," Mr. Weasley asks in a still cheerful voice.

"M'fine," Harry offers and attempts to smile but his smile turns into more of a pained grimace.

"You'll be alright, Harry," Remus says confidently. "You haven't done anything wrong." Harry could be mistaken, but Harry thinks he hears a little bit of pride in Remus' voice. Surely he hears wrong. Then again, Remus has to be proud that Harry managed to fight off two dementors with a corporeal patronus. After all, Remus had taught him the charm. That, and Harry fought off hundreds of dementors at the same time two years ago.

"Yes, Harry, you will not be expelled. If you are expelled, I'll personally make sure you don't wind up at the Dursleys," Sirius says seriously. For some reason, this provides the most comfort for Harry. With this, Mr. Weasley gets up and smiles brightly at Harry.

"I believe it's time for us to go. If we leave now we will be a whole hour early." Harry nods, but he secretly wishes they could wait until the very last minute to go. Of course, there is probably a reason why Mr. Weasley wants to make sure they are early. After all, Ron had said that his dad never leaves for work until the last possible moment, wanting to spend as much time with his wife and kids as possible.

Secretly, Harry's jealous of Ron having such a loving a family and of him having parents. However, Harry will never admit his feelings to Ron. It's not Ron's fault Harry's parents are dead, after all.

"Alright there, Harry?" Mr. Weasley asks him once again. Harry just nods as his anxiety about the hearing comes back. "Right, well, we shall be off. C'mon, Harry." Harry hurries after Mr. Weasley, sparing a hopefully reassuring look to Remus and Sirius. It probably comes off as a grimace, though.

**XXXXXXXXX**

As they walk through Muggle London and take a ride in a cramped phone booth off to the side of the road, Harry can't help the continuous sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Harry wishes that he had at least some toast before he left because now his stomach is not only growling, but he feels even sicker from not eating.

Maybe it's not nerves that are making him sick; perhaps he actually is beginning to catch something. That would be his luck, wouldn't it? Get sick before going to Hogwarts and have everyone fuss over him even more.

Harry pulls from his thoughts and sees Mr. Weasley struggling with the subway card reader. Harry swipes his own card straight across it and Mr. Weasley says, "Aha!" Harry might have laughed a little at his reaction and fascination with the Muggle items around him had he not been so nervous about the outcome of his hearing.

Sirius had promised Harry that he would do everything in his power to make sure he wouldn't go back to Dursleys. What if Sirius did everything he could do, but it wasn't enough? What if Sirius went and killed the Dursleys and got himself locked back in Azkaban? Harry can't live with the knowledge that because of Sirius' desire to protect Harry from the Dursleys, upon Harry's confession of being abused, that he ended up in Azkaban.

How far would Sirius go to make sure Harry never ended up with the Dursleys again? Surely Sirius wouldn't go as far as killing them, would he? Then again, why wouldn't he? They have hurt his Godson. What's some time in Azkaban if he has already spent twelve years there? He could survive another five years or so. After all, Sirius can be rash. However, hadn't Sirius proven that he isn't always rash?

Harry shakes his head to clear the conflicting thoughts as they finally walk off onto the ministry floor. Mr. Weasley leads Harry to an elevator and they get on. A woman's voice sounds through the speaker announcing which floor they are currently on. Nervous, Harry focuses on all the different people that get on and off the elevator. A large black man gets on and Harry recognizes him to be Kingsley. Kingsley whispers something in Mr. Weasley's ear and Mr. Weasley mutters, "Oh merlin. Change of plans Harry," he says simply.

"What," Harry questions already worried enough.

"They moved your trial an hour early. I knew we were right to leave an hour early." Harry's heart jumps to his throat and starts beating fast. He wasn't expecting the trial being backed an hour. At this point Harry can hardly breathe. Finally, the elevator stops and that same female voice sounds, "Department of Mysteries."

As Mr. Weasley leads him out of the elevator Harry shivers at the unnatural chill the stone walls and polished, black floor emits. On this level there are no windows to the outside. The only light provided is from the torches on the walls. The stone walls and similarly dark floors create a chilly, mysterious, and almost deadly atmosphere. The narrowness of the corridors only adds to the deadly and bone-chilling atmosphere. This atmosphere does nothing to help Harry's anxiety.

They pass a corridor with Lucius Malfoy, in all his arrogance, talking to Cornelius Fudge. Upon seeing Harry, Lucius stops and supplies a superior and smug look at the two. Grim faced, Mr. Weasley steadily stares Malfoy down and ushers Harry on, his gaze never leaving Malfoy's cold one.

"Well Harry," Mr. Weasley says in an 'all-for-the-best' voice, "I'm afraid I can't follow you past this point. Good luck." With this, Harry swallows painfully and opens the doors. As the doors start to close, he briefly sees Mr. Weasley offer him another confident smile, before they shut Harry off and leave him with a trapped feeling.

Turning around, Harry slowly makes his way down the stairs hoping to prolong his sure to be expulsion from Hogwarts. Then, that's when he feels them—dementors. His heart falls to the bottom of his stomach. He tries to steady his quickly growing anxiety. He wipes his sweaty palms on his dress pants nervously. He does his best to hide his fear. He barely manages to, and the dementors are not helping his situation. Finally, he looks at the large chair in the middle of the courtroom with chains hanging off it. For a second, Harry can see them expelling him and the chains encasing him as the dementors cart him off to Azkaban. The thought alone nearly makes Harry scream in fear and panic.

"Mr. Harry James Potter," Fudge starts in a pompous voice. A large group of judges sit all around him. "It's great to have your presence, late as you are." Harry swallows at Fudge's cold voice. This is not the same voice Fudge had used back in the summer when he accidently blown up his aunt.

"I'm sorry, sir. I was not aware that the time of the hearing had been changed." Fudge's face is impassive.

"Right; have a seat and we shall begin." Harry quickly takes a seat and tries his best to ignore the dementors and the chains on the arms of the chair. "Disciplinary hearing of the twelfth of August," Fudge says in his still pompous voice. His voice starts to grate on Harry's nerves. "Into offenses committed under the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery and the International Statute of Secrecy by Harry James Potter, resident at number four Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey. Interrogators: Cornelius Oswald Fudge, Minister of Magic; Amelia Susan Bones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement; Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister. Court Scribe, Percy Ignatius Weasley—,"

"—Witness for the defense, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore," a quiet voice from behind Harry says. Harry quickly turns his head, causing his neck to crack. Lo and behold, Dumbledore is striding gracefully across the room wearing long midnight-blue robes and a perfectly calm expression. His long sliver beard and hair gleams in the torchlight as he draws level with Harry and looks up at Fudge through the half-moon glasses that rest halfway down his very crooked nose.

There is a mixed reaction from the members of the Wizengamot; some are muttering, some look annoyed, and others look slightly frightened; however, two elderly witches in the back row raise their hands and wave in welcome. Once again, had it not been for his nerves, Harry would have laughed at the two witches' reactions. For once, all eyes were on Dumbledore, not on Harry. Fudge looks absolutely livid with his face contorted in clear dislike. However, the flustered look Fudge has does not go unnoticed by Harry.

As Dumbledore conjures up a chair and sits down with the tips of his long fingers steepled, he looks at Fudge with an expression of polite interest. Harry feels a little more light-spirited at seeing Dumbledore. Perhaps he might just win the hearing after all.

Sometime later Dumbledore sweeps from the room and Mrs. Figg, who had witnessed Harry fight the dementors off and turned out to be a squib, calmly gets up and spares a small wink and knowing smile to Harry before turning on her heel and walking away. Harry soon follows. As it turns out, thanks to Dumbledore's smooth defending and Mrs. Figg's honest testimony, Harry is cleared of all charges.

Still dazed at how things had fallen in his favor for once, Harry absentmindedly takes his wand back from the indifferent guard and abruptly stops—where would Mr. Weasley be? How is Harry supposed to go home? Suddenly, Harry felt extremely insignificant in this moment. However, as Harry proceeds to walk on, he nearly slams straight into Mr. Weasley.

"Ah, Harry, wonderful! I was just looking for you. I didn't see you leave the courtroom, I'm afraid. How did the hearing go? I ran into Dumbledore but he did not say anything on the matter." For the first time in a while Harry feels truly happy.

"Cleared—of all charges," Harry says brightly. Mr. Weasley claps on him on his shoulder.

"Excellent. Of course, with the evidence there was no way—the whole court—honestly," he cuts himself off several times before becoming silent. "Anyway, I'm going to take you straight home on my way to fix that toilet in Bethnal Green so that you can tell everyone the wonderful news! I know Ron and Hermione will be especially happy." Harry can't help but smile at the thought of seeing Ron and Hermione again. He's going back to Hogwarts! He won't have to worry about the Dursleys for quite some time now! However, Harry doesn't know that today will not be a day for celebration—at least, not entirely.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Upon arriving at Grimauld Place, Harry is quickly enveloped in a hug from Mrs. Weasley. Before either of them have a chance to say anything, he's assaulted by Ron and Hermione and then by Sirius and Remus. By the time all of them have let him breath, Mr. Weasley is already saying that he must be off.

"Harry, how did the hearing go?" Harry, still in slight shock at once again avoiding expulsion from Hogwarts, doesn't know who asks this.

"Cleared, of all charges." There is a collective cheer from everyone in the room.

"I told you that you had nothing to worry about, Harry," Sirius says happily. Harry can't help but match his smile. Fred and George give Harry a high-five at managing to get out of trouble once again. Nothing could ruin Harry's mood.

"Right, considering that it's lunch now, let us sit down and eat, yes," Mrs. Weasley asks pleasantly. Harry is quick to take his usual spot beside Sirius. This time, Harry puts generous amounts of food on his plate and hungrily eats; with his nerves gone, Harry feels especially famished. This pleases Remus and Sirius as well as Mrs. Weasley, all three of whom noticed how worriedly thin Harry was.

A few minutes after everyone finishes, the twins Apperate away with large smiles on their faces and Ron and Hermione get up to leave. Harry goes to leave as well but Sirius grabs a hold of Harry's sleeve.

"Can we have a word, Harry," Sirius asks pleasantly, sharing a meaningful look with Remus. A flash of fear flits across Harry's face. Have Remus and Sirius found out his secret? The nervousness from before his trial is back. "Don't worry, Harry; you're not in trouble." Sirius says brightly. Harry doubts this but follows his two guardians out the door and into the formal living room just off of the kitchen anyway.

Once there, Remus shuts the door behind them and casts a silencing charm on it. This does nothing to ease Harry's anxiety. Sirius sits down on one of the couches and invites Harry to sit beside him. Harry stiffly takes a seat beside him. At this moment his heart is pounding in his chest. For a brief moment Harry wonders if, in the silence, the two guardians can hear it.

"Harry," Remus starts gently, "we hate to ruin your ecstatic mood, but we have a few questions we need to ask you."

"Then don't ask them," Harry says in a half-hearted attempt at a joke. Remus and Sirius smile sadly at this.

"Haveyoubeencutting," Sirius spits out quickly, making Remus sigh tiredly. Sirius is forever tactful. Harry blinks at this.

"What?" Sirius draws in a deep breath.

"Have you been…cutting?" Harry squirms slightly under the inquisitive looks Remus and Sirius have on their faces.

"No, of course not," Harry says just a bit too quickly. Remus and Sirius frown at this. They both know Harry's lying. They also both know that Harry is just as uncomfortable as they are; perhaps even more so.

"We're not angry, y'know," Remus offers gently. Harry averts his eyes.

"I know." Subconsciously, Harry scratches behind his left ear.

"Do you?" Sirus inquires remarkably calm. Harry looks up at Sirius before quickly averting his eyes. Harry has never seen such caring and worried eyes on him before. He isn't sure if he likes or doesn't like their concern for him.

"Yes," Harry says firmly. Silence fills up the room and, despite its growing heaviness, Harry makes no attempt to break it. Sirius sighs tiredly.

"Why do you do it, pup?" His voice isn't accusing, or angry, or shocked; his voice sounds sad. Harry continues to stare at his shoe laces. That's the question he hates the most. The disappointment that is clear in Sirius' voice makes Harry nearly break down. He doesn't want to disappoint Sirius.

"Is it because of the Dursleys?" Remus asks Harry gently. Harry silently nods.

"That, among other things…" Both men frown at Harry's answer.

"What else, pup?" Harry shrinks further down into the couch. He has that insignificant feeling again.

"Cedric, being kept in the dark, hate…"

"Hate at what," Remus asks curiously. What could Harry possibly hate so much that would make him do something like this?

"…myself," Harry barely whispers. Remus and Sirius frown at this.

"Why do you hate yourself?" Sirius asks gently. Harry looks up at him.

"I just do." Harry looks away again and visibly stiffens when he feels Sirius wrap an arm around his shoulders.

"Harry, I can assure you that there is nothing to hate yourself over. You are one of the kindest, most considerate boys I have ever known. What happened to Cedric…it wasn't your fault," Sirius says softly.

"But it is! If I hadn't told him to take the cup with me…"

"Harry," Remus starts softly but firmly, "you were just being yourself. You couldn't have possibly known it was a Portkey. Sirius would do the same, I would do the same, and even your parents would have done the same. It's called being fair, Harry." Harry doesn't say anything in response to this.

"We need to remove anything sharp. And, I'd like your wand," Sirius states grimly, adding the last part on as though it is an afterthought. Harry stutters for a full minute at the insanity of it all. He's not a danger to himself! He needs his wand! Take away anything sharp, fine, but his wand? Really? They know he's underage and they know that he would never perform magic outside of school unless he absolutely has to, unless…his eyes widen with realization. They don't trust him anymore! Not after the dementors! Harry feels hot anger boil in his veins.

Harry takes a moment to calm his self and he sees the sad eyes of his Godfather and ex-professor. Said Godfather's hand is outstretched. Then, something just snaps.

Before Harry can register what happens, he shoves past his two guardians, darts from the room, runs up to his and Ron's room, and slams the door. Harry drags the heavy dresser across the floor and barricades the door. If Ron wants in, then he will just have to suck it up—Harry's not coming out or moving the dresser for anything in the world.

Harry briefly registers the knocks at the door. He's busy being curled up in the corner sobbing. It's not right, he never asked for this—he never asked for the fame or for the utmost admiration. Yet, everyone thinks he wants it all; the Daily Prophet certainly believes so, and now apparently Sirius and Remus believe he's seeking attention. Isn't his life just wonderful?

Harry doesn't know how long he stays curled up but he eventually uncurls himself and looks around the now dark room. Various shadows dance on the walls as if to mock him with their happiness. The dull rays of the almost full moon intensify the gloomy atmosphere of the room. Harry sighs tiredly. Maybe he shouldn't have done that to his two guardians—he had no idea the full moon is so close. Harry winces as he can only imagine how much pain Remus is in now—Harry may have just intensified that pain. This thought makes him curl back in on his self. Why does he have to make everyone around him suffer?

Eventually, Harry moves the dresser back, unlocks the door, and walks down the hall and up two more flights of stairs. When he reaches a specific room, Harry breathes in deeply and slowly opens the door. There, back against a wall, laid a magnificent half eagle, half horse creature with shiny orange eyes, a grey beak, and grey and white feathers. The feathers stop at the base of the creature's neck and turn into sleek, grey hair that you would find on a horse. Its tail is silky and grey as well and it resembles a horse's tail. No matter how many times Harry has seen Buckbeak the Hippogriff, the creature always manages to take his breath away.

After the customary greetings, Harry sits down and Buckbeak slowly treads over to Harry before settling down again. Harry absentmindedly pets Buckbeak, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of this day and all those weeks with the Dursleys. They left him alone for most of the summer but about mid-July they became less afraid of "his lot" and Uncle Vernon started the abuse back up. His aunt, as usual, did nothing. His cousin, Dudley, is very much the reincarnate of his father.

The door to Buckbeak's room opens and Sirius, with a slightly surprised look on his face, walks in. Harry continues to pet Buckbeak, pointedly ignoring his Godfather. Sirius tries to hide the hurt he feels. Harry doesn't hate him that much, does he? No, of course not, it is not in Harry's personality to hate anyone, even Draco Malfoy.

There is silence in the room and neither of the two breaks it; Sirius because he wants Harry to talk first, Harry because he doesn't want to talk at all, especially not to Sirius of all people. Harry's still a bit angry over the whole matter. Buckbeak screeches once as he attempts to get both peoples' attention. After about five whole minutes of comfortable silence Harry speaks up.

"Why did you want my wand?" Sirius regards his godson wearily.

"I can assure you Harry I trust you not to use it outside of school unless you're in danger." Harry blinks at his godfather in confusion.

"How—,"

"It's clear on your face. What's that Muggle phrase? Where there's a way there's a will?"

"It's where there's a will, there's a way," Harry automatically corrects Sirius. Sirius attempts to smile at this; however, his mouth doesn't move from its relaxed position.

"Right; you might not use it to conjure anything or whatever but you could easily attempt to stab your eye out or at least press the tip against your arms or legs or neck or what have you long enough to leave a nasty bruise. It's just a precaution." Harry doesn't say anything in return to this. Wow, was he wrong; Sirius wanted his wand, not because he and Remus don't trust him to use magic outside of school, but because it can also be used as a weapon. It makes sense.

"I never wanted this, y'know," Harry states plainly after a few minutes. Sirius tilts his head to the side.

"What did you never want?"

"Fame, recognition, attention, tragedy, for other people to die for me or because of me," Harry explains quietly. Sirius frowns in deep thought. The room goes silent again for another long moment until Sirius finally breaks it.

"Harry, everyone who has sense and knows you understands that you don't want any of that. In fact, once James matured, he didn't really care for it either. As for people dying, what you must understand Harry is that those who die for you love you; if they did not love you, then they would just let you die. Where Cedric is concerned, you did not know the cup was a Portkey and I'm sure had you known then you would have told Cedric not to take the cup; and, logically, not take it yourself." Harry doesn't comment on this but he does say something else instead.

"Sirius, why is that everyone close to me dies?" Sirius frowns at Harry's question and sighs tiredly.

"Harry, take a look around you—I'm not dead, Remus isn't dead, the twins, Ginny, Ron and Hermione, Molly…they're not dead and you're close to them, right?" Harry nods his head. "Well, I rest my case then."

A few more minutes of comfortable silence passes before Sirius stands up happily. Harry follows him.

"Well, I'm going downstairs. I could use some tea, feel free to come along." Harry agrees and, without even thinking about it, embraces Sirius in a tight hug. Sirius smiles brightly and hugs Harry just as tightly back. When they break apart, Sirius has the knife he gave Harry back in his hand. At Harry's questioning look, Sirius simply says, "You can have this back when you're no longer harming yourself." Harry's smile falls as he averts his eyes from Sirius.

"I understand," Harry finally says indifferently. Sirius ruffles his Godson's already messy hair affectionately as they say goodbye to Buckbeak and walk down the stairs, to the basement, and into the kitchen. Harry's met with a surprise as Remus is sitting at the table drinking some tea. Remus looks up at the two and smiles warmly. Harry frowns because he can see the exhaustion on Remus' face.

"I'm surprised you two are up at this hour; especially you, Harry. How are you feeling?" Sirius smiles down at Harry and ruffles his hair once again before he walks into the kitchen and sits down in front of Remus.

"Definitely not tired," Harry says, failing miserably to stifle a yawn. Both of his guardians laugh at his typical teen antics. Harry walks in and sits down beside Sirius.

"Would you like some tea, Harry? Sirius?" Harry nods his head and Sirius shakes his own.

"No, Moony; I think I'm going to get me something a little stronger," he says slightly tiredly. Remus only frowns but says nothing more. Clearly, Sirius was up due to a nightmare about Azkaban again.

"Well, Harry, are you hungry at all? You missed dinner." Harry yawns again and shakes his head.

"I'm fine; thanks," he offers as he sits in a chair only slightly lost in his thoughts as Remus gets up to make some tea. Sirius sits down shortly after with a small glass of fire whiskey. For a split second, Harry wonders what it would taste like—would it taste good? Would the fire whiskey live up to its name and burn his throat? Would it provide comfort or will it only make him feel worse? Sirius looks up at Harry curiously and then realization dawns on his face. However, he says nothing on the matter. Every teenager is normally tempted to try some kind of alcohol; however, Harry's much smarter than that and he would never drink the vile liquid. Then again…Harry _has_ been feeling pretty down recently and, after he learned of his godson's…little problem, Sirius isn't too sure what Harry would or wouldn't do anymore. After a while, Remus comes back with two steaming cups of tea.

"So, Harry, what are you doing up?" Remus asks curiously, as he sips from the soothing tea.

"Couldn't sleep; reckon Ron's snoring kept me up—he sounds like a lion," Harry offers easily, not willing to admit to himself or his guardians that he had yet another traumatizing nightmare. Remus and Sirius laugh at this and Sirius launches into a story about James.

"Your father, Harry, was a horrendous snorer. Poor Moony here was lucky if he could actually get to sleep most nights. Well, Moony had enough of your father's snoring and he put a silencing charm on James. It worked—until James woke up in the morning and realized that he couldn't talk for the rest of the day. James never did figure out who did it, even after Moony reversed the charm." Harry laughs so hard tears come to his eyes and he has to take large breaths just to calm down. The force of Sirius' laughter causes him to fall backwards and roll on the floor laughing. Remus, meanwhile, just smiles mischievously.

A few more minutes pass by as Remus, Sirius, and Harry share stories from school until Harry starts to become drowsy—it must be the third hot cup of tea he has ingested. Harry fights to stay awake so that he can spend more time with his guardians but he eventually closes his eyes and falls into a peaceful sleep for once. Remus and Sirius continue to talk for a few more minutes before they realize that Harry is asleep. Sirius carefully picks Harry up and notes how fearfully light Harry is for his age. After Sirius places Harry to bed, he walks back down to the kitchen with Remus and pours himself another glass of fire whiskey. Remus pours himself a glass as well and the two adults sit in silence for a while.

"So," Sirius says, breaking the silence in the room, "what do you we think we should do from here?" Remus takes a small sip as he thinks on the matter.

"I suppose we just watch him and see if he stops; if he doesn't, then we can get him professional help." Sirius takes a small sip of his own glass before he speaks.

"What are we going to do about his not eating?" Remus downs the rest of his shot and sighs tiredly.

"I suppose we will just have to keep encouraging him to eat. There's hardly anything we can do at this point." Sirius also downs his shot of fire whiskey.

"Alright, I suppose I can live with that. I'm concerned about the increasing frequency of his nightmares, however. Do you think we should offer him some Dreamless Sleep potion? I mean, you don't suppose he will get addicted to it, do you?" Remus sighs tiredly. The full moon is growing ever closer and it is taking a toll on his already weak body.

"That could work, but perhaps we should owl Madam Pomfrey just to be certain?" Sirius nods his head.

"I suppose we should." With this, the two talk about Sirius' own nightmares of Azkaban before they leave for the comfort of their beds. There is no telling what tomorrow will bring. Hopefully, Harry will be in a much better mood tomorrow and will be able to actually get some good quality sleep tonight.

* * *

**AN: Wow! This chapter ended up being A LOT longer than I thought it would be! I'm actually proud of myself since I managed to stick strictly to my basic outline for this chapter and not cast it aside as the plot bunnies take over, as I normally end up doing. I want to thank all of my favoriters, reviewers, and alerters; you guys are truly wonderful people that inspire me to keep working. I especially want to thank my beta reader as she works to make my stories all the better to you people out there! Although I have several more ideas for this story, I would enjoy your input! If you want something to happen in this, I will be more than happy to add it to my story, if it fits in with the plot.**

**As always, I hope I see you in the future as this story is nowhere near finished! :D**

**With care,**

**ferret nin**


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